Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
