I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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