I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
