Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
