I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
