carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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