I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
