From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
