Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
