3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
