Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
