my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
