i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
