I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
