He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
