I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
