Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
