Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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