the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
