you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
