Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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