It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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