it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
