Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
