why didn't you poke me back
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
