There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
