If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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