we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
