That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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