No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
