I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
