no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
