My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
