dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
