I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
