the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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