whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
