I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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