i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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