At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
