dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
