This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
