Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
