Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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