girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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