I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this boner is exhausting
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
