You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
