Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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