need another drink. this is the easiest way
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
