that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
