Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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