and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
