I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
