The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
