if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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